The Daily Rhino

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Cypher Dies

ALMOST no one will get the title to this post. Only Latin-speaking, Star Wars devotee rap fans.

I was a bit bored today and so were two friends. We were all stuck in front of our computers. Tupac don't have shit on dis yo. Names have been changed to preserve our reputations.

yo, this is Jam from the power of the three
looks like you caught me eating chapati
i farted one day and it smelt vegetarian
i won't shag you, you dress like a librarian

100 miles away and I smell that Jam's farted
It started with my email, what have I started?
I'm bored as fuck and applying for jobs
The only people I get to talk to are you two nobs.

it's a pity shaolin patel's so pithy
quiet and twitchy like a rock junkie
flunky, you need to get in the cypher
cos if you do, Pohin will pipe your piper

The shaolin bong is on deadline
He would rhyme wit us but he ain't got time
What's a cypher? I swear you play tricks
Cos I know he's a character from the Matrix.

a cypher is a circular freestyle
all your mates drunk and spitting bile
shaolin on a deadline i offered my help
it's a pity his willy's covered in welts.

The reason you know about his STD
Is cos you're the reason it pains when he wees
You know how bored is the Pohin?
He ended up going fucking BOWLING.

we're gonna rock we're gonna roll
we're gonna bop we're gonna bowl
i didn't give Babbs his urinary infection
it was from when you fisted his erection

Fisting erect members is what I do
I've done it to Babbs I'll do the same for you
There is no feeling like my action
Apart from sticking your dick in traction

you wanna mess with this potato shaped phallus
you're a transvestite like that guy lily savage
i ravage you with one pin prick you prick
i heart you really you send tingles to my....

Sorry I'm late, but I got stopped at the gate
By an inspector, and it must have been fate
Cos I flashed him a fake one and he walked off
Not a ticket, but a fake cock that I then rammed in an old lady's
mouth and made her cough

It's too early and I'm feeling burly
And all I can say is things to make your toes curly
I love you
you bunch of
I ruin everything.

Ruining it all - on that I agree
Jam's Be-Bop and I'm Rocksteady
But Babbs that fucking Crang who nobody likes
So ameliorate yo' rhyming or be on yo' bike.

haha ha you're like the asian chuckle brothers
to you to me, you're not good enough to be my fluffer
i find your rhymes both quaint and rustic
don't let me get in the way of your homosexual domestic

Ah the gujju turncoat, true to his roots
I compliment him but he pelts me with fruits
You're both a pair of wasters, of that I'm sure
I just can't figure out who's the bigger whore.

you've learnt nothing from me
your degree's made you gayer than liberace
you bum for smack and you eat faeces
Babbs wears odd coloured fleeces

What's tragic, is you're the career rapper
My lyrical style sucks but yours is crapper
I want a word with your fiancée, she has to know
That when you're hitched, she'll be earning all the dough.

doctor, slip me a needle
So I can put a beard on Jam and say: ha ha, jeremy beadle
Drugged to the balls, I'll then say
Doctor are all your nurses male, you gay

Oh my God, I thought Jam's rhyming blew,
But your efforts make me realise a thing or two
You should stick to writing, stick to prose
Stick to boning confused men and skanky hos

You've blogged your life, blagged your career
I can only feel sorry for the little ill dears
It'll be glaringly obvious for them to tell
Harold shipman's reserved a seat for you next to him in hell

Harold Shipman, he's our hero
Gonna take pensioners down to zero
He's my idol, personified
And he's fighting on the government's side.

bass how low can you go
death row what a brother know
once again back is the incredible
rhyme animal the incredible...
behzti how slow can you be
dearth crow
no I'll stop this will be shit

I'm not playing

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